I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers on Tues. night, 6 days before Valentine ’s Day. On Feb.14th we will not go out for dinner. We will not exchange any gifts .I have to admit this was hard for me in the beginning of our marriage.
At times I felt uncared for. I was expecting my husband to perform on holidays and birthdays and was let down year after year. Finally, after 20 years of marriage
I am learning to accept that Don does not love me based on what holiday it is or what he gives me for the occasion.
As I have grown in my love for Jesus and seek my fulfillment in Him, I have put less expectation upon my husband. Yet as he has grown in His love for Jesus, he brings me unexpected gifts, like flowers whenever he feels led to do so. Don may not be a present guy, but because I’m a present girl he makes an effort to love me in a way that is special to me.
Don may not pay attention to dates on the calendar (ie. Feb. 14th) but he seeks to pay attention to me because God has paid attention to him. We will use this day to remember who we are, WHOSE we are and why we’re here. We remember that we are two great sinners saved by and for a great God. We are in need of His amazing grace every day.
Feb 14th is just about here. There is so much hype surrounding this day. We are led to believe that if we follow the rules of romance we will be happy and in love, or we will find love. Romance is a great thing but it saddens me that we tend to focus on the romantic things to do for our spouse without being given the why of doing these good things.
We constantly need to be reminded of the gospel. We are moralists by nature so we tend to gravitate towards a list of dos and don’ts.
Let’s take a step back and first see our identity in Christ, that our actions flow out of God’s love for you and your love for Him. Christians should promote marriage to be sure, but out of loving Christ first. If a couple comes to us with marriage struggles we do not want to give them a list of things to perform in hope of making their marriage better. They do not need to behave better, they need to believe better. Repentance is a change of mind which results in a change of behavior. The changed behavior is simply the fruit of believing the gospel more fully.
If we emphasize what we do above what Jesus has done we are in danger of being moralists that believe in cause and effect, rather than amazing grace.
As a Christian couple we want our love for God to be more real so that our mutual love for Him will strengthen our marriage. We love and serve each other because marriage is a reflection of Jesus and His unconditional love for His Bride, the Church.
His love does not increase in time nor does it lessen for any reason.
In light of such unconditional, unwarranted love for us, let each of us display to our spouses whatever gifts and affection we are so led to display. Not out of obligation but out of the love that God has put in our hearts.
We don’t need to perform in order to be loved and accepted, we should perform because we are already loved and accepted by God based not upon our performance but upon the performance of Another. And do it whether it’s Feb. 14th or not! -Michelle
