"Hello Miss Muffin!"

It's official! I have entered middle age when your Metabolism slows down and you get introduced to your new best friend, "Belly fat" or "Miss Muffin" as I would call it.
This is the first year I was not able to eat whatever I wanted and work it off. I started the beginning of the Holidays doing very well with small bites here and there but no real indulgences.
With the busyness of life, my exercise routine has slowed down but I still thought I had it all under-control. I was managing my eating and temptations just fine....or so I thought....

My world came crashing down one night. I was getting ready to take Mallory out to dinner for her birthday. As I attempted to put my jeans on.....SURPRISE!... they were a little too tight. Oh I got them on with a few tugs and pulls and without assistance, thankyou very much. But also to my surprise I had gained a new best friend.
Yes, I had a 'Muffin Top' and "Miss Muffin" was over-done and bulging over. I was so discouraged because I had worked so hard this past year to gain better health and now it seemed like I was right back to where I started, needing to wear anything with an elastic waist on it.

I was completely unaware that my small but constant LITTLE indulgences had become a much bigger (and wider) problem then I realized. I still considered that maybe one of my daughters had shrunk my jeans and it wasn't my fault at all!
My LITTLE 'sugar sin' was exposed when Mallory came in to say good-night and saw Ghirardelli candy wrappers on my bedroom floor and next to my bed and me licking the chocolate off my fingers.

She said "Mom, what are you eating?" and walks over to my bed only to find my nightstand drawer open and a LITTLE, secret stash of goodies in it. Her mouth drops open, eyes get big and hands go up in the air and says, "Mom what are you doing?!" I had no idea what she was talking about and frankly felt annoyed that she was bothering my special moment.
She then calls for reinforcements and her 3 sisters come in my room at 10:30 at night, appalled at my behavior and apparently looking for some sort of intervention to happen. I send everyone to bed assuring them that I am a responsible adult and have the situation under control.
But I didn't & I didn't care. I was watching T.V & indulging in my favorite food group. I had no problem with being exposed by a few candies in my drawer although... I might not want them to find the stash in my purse!
One benefit of shopping at Trader Joe's with children is that they find the monkey "Pirate Joe" and they then get to get into the treasure chest full of candy and pick a treat.
Usually this does not affect me UNTIL they stocked it with chocolate. So, for the sake of my kids, I take their candy and put them in my purse for a later time...preferably after dinner. With two trips to Trader Joe's per week, I had quite the 'treasure chest' of my own going on in my purse!
The next morning the Lord was so faithful to show me how foolish I have been. He showed me how easy sin had crept into this area of of my life. I am not saying that sugar is sin, it is not.
I am simply pointing out how quickly it became sin for me. (I was stock-piling it and it was not in moderation, I had lost control.) Now anyone who knows me knows I am a bit of a fighter, and an over-achiever.
I have rarely struggled with addictions. I usually set my mind to something and get it done.
God was so gracious to show me how often I run to things that are smaller than Jesus. He also showed me that I was acting like a person with an addiction. My first thought was for all the people we have known and especially to those we have counseled, who have struggled with addictions.
Just recently I remember thinking, "How can this person be a Christian and continue to make the same mistakes over and over.
Why are they so willing to risk everything for something so small, so temporary?" The Lord gently reminded me that we are all like sheep who have gone astray and it is the Holy Spirit that causes the blind to see. There have been times in my life when I have treated people much like a job to do,wanting and expecting them to clean themselves up, do more and try harder.
Please forgive me if you have ever felt that way because of me. I clearly see this response is not the gospel. The gospel is not us ascending to God with our resolutions to try harder, its God descending to us and doing for us what we can never do.
The gospel is the power of God unto salvation, the power to deliver us from the penalty of sin(justification), the power to deliver us from the power of sin(sanctification), the power to ultimately deliver us from the presence of sin(glorification).
Since the exposing of my sin I have, by the Grace of God, cleaned out all the cupboards, drawers, and even the purse.
I have learned that it was not by my strength or my ability but it was the Lord's faithfulness to me.
It was His great love and care for me that motivated me to see the sin and clean the idols out to let Him take over the area.
Honestly I did feel like an addict, I was doing things that were harmful to me and that I did not really want to be exposed. This is called 'Idols' or 'Functional Saviors'
In the midst of this I am thankful for feeling like this because I hope this will make me much more kind, compassionate, and understanding of those struggling with addictions.
I now realize I can relate to people with addictions much more and can understand how they get out of control.
I guess I had a special little category that I kept those people in so I never had to take the time to truly love them. I just wanted to fix them.
lets be careful here to not just read this as my story. See yourself in it. We can all relate. We all have functional saviors.
Yours may not be drugs or chocolate in your drawers. But no one is free of them. In your life which 'drawer' do you not want anyone to open and see what's in it.
This experience had helped me to see the Self Righteous can-do attitude of pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality in all moralism. It is not the way we help people who are struggling.If you have felt this way and grown inpatient with others, Please consider laying this attitude at the foot of the cross then confessing your own sin and inability, humbly recognizing where your help comes from and allowing the Lord to minister to you and others around you.
When we aren't willing to love people as they are we are not portraying an accurate picture of the gospel. We are telling them to "Clean yourself up before you come to God." rather then "Come to God so HE can clean you up." Jesus certainly did not look down on people. Nor should we, we should identify with them.
So often Christians are willing to give their time, money, and talents but not so quick to give of themselves. We are not willing to be patient and long-suffering. I am so thankful that my family saw a problem with what I was doing.
But they saw my real identity in Christ. I am His beloved. They did not point out my sin in their self-righteousness and then leave me alone to deal with it. They saw hope and restoration. They loved me and encouraged me and walked with me.
Please do not grow weary with God's people, the truth is, you don't get that right. Please do not put your expectations on people, they will never live up to them.
God is a God of hope! The gospel is about being reconciled to God by God. We should offer redemption and restoration to people by offering them love.
The big lesson here is not to see the problems or addictions other people have, we all know that is easy. The big lesson is learning to see and identify your own idols (and yes you have them)- your own personal functional saviors and then being willing to expose them in order to make more room for the Lord and also to relate to others so that you may walk with people more effectively and lovingly.
If you really can't identify your idols, I will help you. Think of the one thing in your life that would ruin you if it were taken away. The one, or many things, that you are holding onto so tightly your knuckles are white! Eureka! You have found your idol!
I am delighted to say that with the help and love of my family and friends I am walking in the light and reserving chocolate for special occasions and not for everyday occurrences.
One of my 2011 goals is to eat healthier and of course cut the top of "Miss Muffin" aka "Belly Fat" so I don't have to huff and puff to get my jeans on or start shopping in the polyester elastic waist department of the store. Another goal for 2011 is to not 'label' God's people.
To ask for eyes, ears, and a heart to love broken, hurting people and humility and courage to identify myself as one of them. -Michelle

"More presents, please!"

 I hope I am growing in humility because it is not easy learning from a four-year old. I promise that Jameson will not be the only subject I write about...but it's funny how the Lord is using him to teach me so many things.  Because of His love for me He uses whatever means necessary to show Himself real to me.

  The whole thing started during morning devotions just a few days before Christmas when I asked Jameson what Christmas means to him. His answer: "Presents!!" He smiles as big as he can as he can as he yells and uses his hands to show as how large the presents should be. Everyone else gasps in horror because they know this is not the "right" answer. Tension is building in the room until they can't hold it in any longer and the other kids burst out out in laughter at the blunt innocence of the 4yr old interpreting his world. Although there is laughter there is still a bit of tension as our girls wonder how I will respond. They believe we are much softer on the boys than we were on them. I suppose they are right but I am also confident that as parents we are growing in grace, love, and wisdom. And I am sure we had some "Nazi Style" parenting in our older kids because at times I was much more concerned with their outward obedience, even priding myself in it rather then being concerned with their hearts and God is concerned with both! So when Don came home from work I said, "Honey...Jameson wants to tell you about Christmas!" I'm sure Don is expecting to hear the youngest of his 8 children blurt out the doctrinally wisest statement  he has even heard from a child. When he hears Jameson yell "Presents!" I can see Don's eyes casually pop out of his head while trying to act as if he's not surprised. And I am sure he was thinking "Oops kid wrong answer  looks like we have some work to do!" What was exposed is that Jameson is only saying what is his reality. And apparently he is learning that from somewhere.

      I have to be honest, as I get older I don't have the same energy level. In addition this year I just felt alot of stress trying to do school and do Dr. appointments and shop, cook, bake and be hospitable. I felt a whole lot more like 'Martha' (busy) than 'Mary' (worshipful). Then, hearing Jameson's answer, it occurred to me that all these things, as wonderful as they are, had become my to-do list 'idols'. Jameson was wanting more presents. And not more of the one who gives him the presents and that is what was being exposed in  my heart. I was doing the same thing. Wanting more stuff and not seeking the Savior.
     Well, Christmas morning, we opened presents and each child opened one at a time as we watched and celebrated  with them. It was obvious that Jameson was not enjoying this tradition and had no problem thinking of himself. After each person opened their present he would say "Where's mine??" or "Can I have another one?" The grand finale of this lesson came later that day when Grandpa came over with some presents.  I came out to see what they had opened from Grandpa and everyone was yelling & shoving presents in my face while telling me about what they got. All except for Jameson. There in a corner with tears in his eyes, he was pouting and asking me why he can't have more presents. He was dissatisfied with the gifts because he was not thankful for the person giving him the present. I was doing the same thing. It is so easy to see in Jameson his ungrateful, demanding, selfish self. But not as easy to see in me. I had been modeling for my children the very thing I see in him. I was ungrateful and unthankful, As I began to see people as a bother to me, treating them as part of my  to-do list and not really loving them. I lacked faith and trust that God would  provide for us. As I began to worry that my children would not get "enough presents." That everyone around me had more to offer their children. I wanted "more". Just like Jameson I was anxious and worried that we would not have enough food for our family or to share with the people that Don had invited over. I was selfish by only looking at all the work I was doing and how no one did anything for me.

Why would I expect Jameson to say anything else in response to what Christmas is about when I am showing him the answer by my actions and lack of love. Most certainly we teach our children about Jesus and we spend alot of time going over advent. I am trying to point out the heart issue here. We can do everything on our Christmas to-do list and have our children say the "right answers" but are we really drilling at the heart? Parents, as God drills into your heart, disciple your kids! Don't be afraid to share your expressions of what he is doing in you through them.

  I often joke about life feeling like I am Ebenezer Scrooge in the 'Christmas Carol'. Scrooge had been visited by three ghosts and was shown his life in the past, present and future. He couldn't stand it anymore so he hid his face from the ghosts and begged them to show him no more. He can't stand all the selfish mistakes he had made. Well it's Christmas morning and as I watch my greedy 4yr old I felt like Scrooge, covering my face and crying out to God to show me no more, it hurts. As I feel His grace cover and wash over me I am able to slowly look at my sinful self and see what he is showing me in myself through the life of my child. Yes, Jameson wanted more presents and so did I.


       Here is where I need to put the gospel goggles on and see it in this situation. God gave me the best present and the only one I will ever need in Jesus Christ.When I put anything before Him, He is faithful to remove my idols and cause me to know that He is jealous for me. As a parent I get to show Jameson the Gospel. Jameson, God gave you the best present of all but you were wanting lots of other things. And Jesus wants you to be filled with the best gift ever, Himself. Jameson, presents are nice and God gives you lots of wonderful gifts but none will ever satisfy you like Jesus. They will all leave you empty. Jesus is the only One who will never leave or forsake you. Lord, thankyou for your patient love with idolaters like me. Thankyou for the wonderful gift of the Gospel. Help us as parents, to help our own children see the gospel in their lives. -Michelle