I hope I am growing in humility because it is not easy learning from a four-year old. I promise that Jameson will not be the only subject I write about...but it's funny how the Lord is using him to teach me so many things. Because of His love for me He uses whatever means necessary to show Himself real to me.
The whole thing started during morning devotions just a few days before Christmas when I asked Jameson what Christmas means to him. His answer: "Presents!!" He smiles as big as he can as he can as he yells and uses his hands to show as how large the presents should be. Everyone else gasps in horror because they know this is not the "right" answer. Tension is building in the room until they can't hold it in any longer and the other kids burst out out in laughter at the blunt innocence of the 4yr old interpreting his world. Although there is laughter there is still a bit of tension as our girls wonder how I will respond. They believe we are much softer on the boys than we were on them. I suppose they are right but I am also confident that as parents we are growing in grace, love, and wisdom. And I am sure we had some "Nazi Style" parenting in our older kids because at times I was much more concerned with their outward obedience, even priding myself in it rather then being concerned with their hearts and God is concerned with both! So when Don came home from work I said, "Honey...Jameson wants to tell you about Christmas!" I'm sure Don is expecting to hear the youngest of his 8 children blurt out the doctrinally wisest statement he has even heard from a child. When he hears Jameson yell "Presents!" I can see Don's eyes casually pop out of his head while trying to act as if he's not surprised. And I am sure he was thinking "Oops kid wrong answer looks like we have some work to do!" What was exposed is that Jameson is only saying what is his reality. And apparently he is learning that from somewhere.
I have to be honest, as I get older I don't have the same energy level. In addition this year I just felt alot of stress trying to do school and do Dr. appointments and shop, cook, bake and be hospitable. I felt a whole lot more like 'Martha' (busy) than 'Mary' (worshipful). Then, hearing Jameson's answer, it occurred to me that all these things, as wonderful as they are, had become my to-do list 'idols'. Jameson was wanting more presents. And not more of the one who gives him the presents and that is what was being exposed in my heart. I was doing the same thing. Wanting more stuff and not seeking the Savior.
Well, Christmas morning, we opened presents and each child opened one at a time as we watched and celebrated with them. It was obvious that Jameson was not enjoying this tradition and had no problem thinking of himself. After each person opened their present he would say "Where's mine??" or "Can I have another one?" The grand finale of this lesson came later that day when Grandpa came over with some presents. I came out to see what they had opened from Grandpa and everyone was yelling & shoving presents in my face while telling me about what they got. All except for Jameson. There in a corner with tears in his eyes, he was pouting and asking me why he can't have more presents. He was dissatisfied with the gifts because he was not thankful for the person giving him the present. I was doing the same thing. It is so easy to see in Jameson his ungrateful, demanding, selfish self. But not as easy to see in me. I had been modeling for my children the very thing I see in him. I was ungrateful and unthankful, As I began to see people as a bother to me, treating them as part of my to-do list and not really loving them. I lacked faith and trust that God would provide for us. As I began to worry that my children would not get "enough presents." That everyone around me had more to offer their children. I wanted "more". Just like Jameson I was anxious and worried that we would not have enough food for our family or to share with the people that Don had invited over. I was selfish by only looking at all the work I was doing and how no one did anything for me.
Why would I expect Jameson to say anything else in response to what Christmas is about when I am showing him the answer by my actions and lack of love. Most certainly we teach our children about Jesus and we spend alot of time going over advent. I am trying to point out the heart issue here. We can do everything on our Christmas to-do list and have our children say the "right answers" but are we really drilling at the heart? Parents, as God drills into your heart, disciple your kids! Don't be afraid to share your expressions of what he is doing in you through them.
Here is where I need to put the gospel goggles on and see it in this situation. God gave me the best present and the only one I will ever need in Jesus Christ.When I put anything before Him, He is faithful to remove my idols and cause me to know that He is jealous for me. As a parent I get to show Jameson the Gospel. Jameson, God gave you the best present of all but you were wanting lots of other things. And Jesus wants you to be filled with the best gift ever, Himself. Jameson, presents are nice and God gives you lots of wonderful gifts but none will ever satisfy you like Jesus. They will all leave you empty. Jesus is the only One who will never leave or forsake you. Lord, thankyou for your patient love with idolaters like me. Thankyou for the wonderful gift of the Gospel. Help us as parents, to help our own children see the gospel in their lives. -Michelle
